Depression and me

It's funny how society shames a person with mental illness. It's funny how people are more concern about physical pain and not about a persons mental or emotional pain. 

Hi my name is Mo and I have suffered a TBi. The result of suffering a TBI has lead to me being diagnosed with clinical depression. Let me back up TBi is the new common term. What I have was diagnosed as brain damage. Trouble with some short term and longer memory loss and mood swings. 

The new term is now Traumatic Brain Injury with clinical depression. Yeah doctors have tried their so called magic pills did they work NO. What worked for me was reading and what I use to do was write. 

There are nights that I cry and cannot figure out why. There are days where my mood is so dark than I really do want to pill a Janis Joplin, what gets me thru is my boys my babies who love me worts and all. But having this never ending dark tunnel is a bitch. 

I try to be support for my friends but sometimes I wonder will I ever have a support friend. 

Having a TBI gave me other issues, I do have social anxiety, I have what so e doctors have called facial and facial seizures. I don't to well in large crowds unless I am with someone I can trust. 

The funny thing is I am scared to tell folks how I mentally feel. There are days I tell people what they want to hear and not what I feel. I don't want to be label the chick with the mental issues. So some days I just say "Eh" or " I ain't dead yet ".

So now y'all know I am not as sane as society wants me to be. There's more to me but I am not willing to share. So I'll leave you with this little ditty.
Do you see me, do you see inside the pain I have to hide. 
Yes I make you laugh but those are the days I cry.
Because I have to hide the struggle inside,

Do you see me, do you know I hide.
all because I'm struggling to stay alive.
Do you know I'm one pill away.
from pulling a Janis Joplin I joke about everyday.

Pull up your big girl panties I have been told.
But the numb nutted fucks don't actually Know 
how their words make me feel 
Like what I'm feeling is not real.

There no magic pill to make my hurt go away.
Because I live with depression everyday. 
No they don't see me or know how I feel.
Cause their condescending words adds to my ills.

I walk in the darkness trying to find the light 
Wishing I had someone to tell me it's gonna be alright.

Do you now see me and understand
Every now and again I need you to hold my hand.